I plan to be a diva someday . . . - Why My Books Really Are 12-up

With the holidays come bunches of my friends, wanting to buy an autographed copy of my books for their child, grandchild, or neighbor's kid.  While I do appreciate the support, I've noticed that the child in question is invariably 10 years old.   I am then faced with the unpleasant task of explaining that my books aren't really for 10-year-olds.

To which they say, "But (s)he's a very advanced reader."  (Yes, every single one of them.  Apparently every single child within a 10 mile radius of my home -- including my own children, I should say -- reads above grade level.  This does make me question the concept of "grade level," but it wouldn't be the first time).

To this, I say, "Yes, I know your child read Harry Potter when (s)he was 4.  The difference is that Harry doesn't have sex in the books."  (He doesn't, does he?  I never did read Book 7).  "He also doesn't drink, swear, abuse his girlfriend, contract HIV, or bludgeon anyone to death."

By now, they are thoroughly horrified, but that is why the books are for 12-up.  After 12, I trust their -- by which I mean the kids'-- judgment to decide whether my books are okay for them.  My own daughter really doesn't have much interest in my books, preferring fantasy.  She's read Beastly only, though she has friends who have read all of them.

I realize I could just let them pay the natural consequences of their actions (as a friend of mine did when she bought a copy of Gingerbread for her young daughter, and the girl came up to her and asked, "What's a condom?" after, like, the first page), but, particularly because the books are often gifts for someone else, I worry about this (I'm sorry, but LJ doesn't seem to want to allow me to insert in-text hyperlinks, so I'm just going to put a very unprofessional http://www.amazon.com/review/product/0060574941/ref=cm_cr_dp_hist_1?%5Fencoding=UTF8&filterBy=addOneStar )  That got me mad.  Who told her that a book about the protagonist's fear of contracting HIV from a gay friend was appropriate for her 9-year-old?  It certainly wasn't the publisher.   But I'm guessing her child is "gifted."

I do wonder why parents are so desperate for their kids to read and do everything ahead of schedule.  I mean, I read the Little House on the Prairie series when I was in third grade.  No one told me that they weren't advanced enough for me because I was reading above grade level (even though I was one of the better readers in my class).  That was just when they happened to interest me, so that's when I read them.    I didn't realize I was behind.  And, know what?  I actually did make it through law school (which has a reading-intensive curriculum) anyway!  I read quite well!  I also managed to publish 6 novels.  

I understand the fear that, by not being ahead, kids might be behind.  The parents whose kids are ahead are always so much louder about it than the other parents (Why do parents think I care about their kid's AR level, their GPA, or how many points they have?  Since when is this interesting conversation?  If you don't brag back, you feel like you're admitting your kid is inferior, but if you do brag back, then you're one of those obnoxious parents who brag).   You hardly ever hear about someone's kid who is a B student and very happy.  

One year, I got a Christmas letter from an acquaintance whom I did not see as often as I once had.  She wrote something to the effect of, "We took Janie out of piano and violin lessons because she never wanted to practice."  It was so refreshing after years of Christmas letters from people whose kids were straight A students and lead violin in the youth symphony, that I actually made a conscious effort to reconnect with this woman.  I, too, had taken my daughter out of piano because I was tired of nagging about practice . . . but I didn't put it in a Christmas letter.  I have to admit I was impressed . . . more impressed than I've ever been by the letters about perfect robot children.

And I am guessing that my child and this woman's child are going to grow up and go to college and marry and have families and homes and jobs . . . just like the kids who stuck with piano lessons. 

I've been a pushy parent, mostly due to worry.  When my older daughter was in preschool, I was worried that the crowded classrooms at our local elementary school might preclude her learning to read.  So I tried to teach her myself.  She knew her phonics okay (She was in an academic preschool), but she just didn't want to sit and apply herself, so finally I gave up.  On approximately the 6th day of kindergarten, she was reading well.  Something just clicked and she was ready.  We never had to practice a sight word list or worry about anything, but she didn't want to learn to read a minute before kindergarten.  At 12, she is an avid reader and yes, she does read well above grade level. 

With my younger daughter, having learned the lesson from the older one, I didn't try to teach her to read before kindergarten.  In fact, I put her in a less academic preschool because I felt that the first preschool did not emphasize learning through play enough.  She learned letters and sounds, but  not so much emphasis on putting them together.  In kindergarten, she was not ahead of the other kids.  She learned every word list when she was supposed to and not a minute before, and sometimes, she was behind friends whose parents had pushed them more.  On the first day of first grade, she was reading on exactly the first grade reading level, not one smidgeon above.  And then, one day in the middle of the school year, something just clicked on.  Now, she reads at the exact, identical reading level that my older daughter (who attended the academic preschool and had the reading practice, and learned to read earlier) read when she was in 3rd grade . . . and she is ahead of some kids who used to be ahead of her.

But I let her read what she wants, whether it's Harry Potter or Dear Dumb Diary.  Or both.  I'd hate to have her miss a book she might enjoy because of a race to a nonexistent finish line.

And, when she is 12, she can read my books if she wants (I suspect she will want -- she is always the one who is trying to stay and be very quiet so she can watch television shows which I deem inappropriate).  But I won't push her to read them before.

So my message to parents who want to buy a copy of one of my books for their 10-year-old is, don't do it (I would, however, be happy if you'd let them read my books when they are older, instead of pushing them to read War and Peace).  Please go to the 9-12 section of the bookstore and choose something you think the child might enjoy.  If they are "above grade level" (whatever that means), you might want to choose something from the 10-up section, which are generally the more Newbery-ish type books.  But my books aren't for gifted 10 year olds.  They are like PG-13 movies, only books.

So if you give them to your 10-year-old, don't blame me if he asks what a restraining order is.